One Sentence Scouting Report: Golden Oldies Edition

Apparently, the Jays have signed Vladimir Guerrero to a minor league deal. In honour of this, I've decided to repost my One Sentence Scouting Report from December 23rd:

One Sentence Scouting Report: Vladimir Guerrero

Welcome to the inaugural One Sentence Scouting Report, where I scout Major League Baseball players using only one sentence!

Vladimir Guerrero: He can't walk and he can't walk.